Just Right, Just Write

Well, hello internet. It's been a while, huh? Yes, I'm still here. Despite a near two year absence. ;)

What have I been up to since I last posted? Well, how much time do you have? To put it lightly, the last two years have held more change and growth than the first four of my twenties combined. And I'm so, so grateful for that. For a long time in my adolescence, I resisted change and clung to the things that made me feel comfortable and safe. It wasn't really until late spring 2016 that I finally gathered the courage to take the leap into the unknown and put some scary, necessary things into action. Once I did, though, the world opened up to me in a way it never had before.

The catalyst to all this change was the overwhelming feeling that this - where I was at that point in my life - couldn't be all there was. My life was fine, but it didn't thrill me. It was a quiet existence, marked by morning exercise, daytime work, and evenings of alone time. I was scared to put myself out there, and honestly didn't even know where to begin.

Then, seemingly all at once, a series of events made it impossible for me to stay inactive. Life, probably tired of me waiting around for something to happen, gave me the tough-love push I needed. In the course of two months I adopted puppy, ended my high school relationship, moved into a new apartment, started a new job, and met someone who is now one of my very closest friends. It was just as scary and overwhelming as I thought it would be, but wonderful just the same.

Summer 2016 held a lot. A lot of fun, a lot of newness, a lot of learning and unlearning. For the first time since I was 17, I found myself dating someone new. For the first time since moving to Charleston, I found myself going on almost-daily adventures around town while getting to know a new friend. For the first time since graduating college, I found myself navigating the waters of a leadership position at a brand new job.

I'll remember that crazy summer fondly for the rest of my life. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like was awake- making active decisions and purposefully walking down a new path. I felt so proud of myself for taking the drivers seat in my life once again. For refusing to settle for comfortable and pushing myself to try new things. I simultaneously felt like an adult, living life on my own terms, and an unsupervised kid in a candy store, eyes wide, trying everything and anything that caught my eye.

I hope everyone has a season like this in their life. A season for trying and, very often, failing. A season where you don't let fear stop you from making some risky decisions. A season where, quite honestly, you're selfish- figuring out what makes you feel happy and fulfilled (and more importantly, what doesn't). It's these times that guide you to who you really are and who you want to be as an adult. Without them, you stay stuck - the one thing that scares me more than failure and disappointment.

Things calmed down a bit after that summer, but I was definitely changed forever. I realize some behaviors that weren't serving my highest purpose, and left them behind. I also realized some things I was newly passionate about and wanted to continue to explore. I changed jobs again, traveled a lot, and slowly but surely refined the wildness of the summer into something more manageable. Still pushing the boundaries, but also realizing that boundaries are sometimes good and necessary.

If I could sum up the next season - most of 2017 - in one phrase it would be this: "listen to your gut". For a long, long time I had this feeling, this thought that I just couldn't shake and had to continually work to ignore. I became an expert at convincing myself that what I was doing was the right thing and that this gut feeling was wrong. Looking back, it's honestly saddening that I wasn't brave or sure of myself enough to act on it the first time I felt it.

However, it was such a lesson because ultimately my gut feeling was 100% accurate. It took me a little over a year to finally accept and act on my intuition, but in that time I learned a valuable lesson that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. If I could tell you anything, it would be that your instincts mean something. If you can't stop thinking about something, even if it's scary and leads to an unknown future, it means something. Please don't wait years before acting on it.

When I finally acted on the decision I'd been fighting so long, the world opened up once again. It's truly amazing how, when you stop fighting the path the universe is urging you to follow, things naturally fall into place. After so many experiences like this, I've become a deep believer in manifestation- that you get from the world what you believe in and seek out.

The second half of 2017 was all about developing amazing friendships, being single for the first extended time since I was a teenager, and learning more about myself than I had before. For once, I didn't run from loneliness or sadness or unrest. I sat in those feelings, processed them, and grew up a lot in the process. Self-care and a spending time alone in order to get to know yourself is so necessary and valuable. I'm so grateful to have had this season of personal growth and development.

So far, 2018 has been one of the best years I've ever experienced. It's honestly felt like the culmination of so many years of self exploration- of trying and failing and making mistakes and course correcting. One late-January afternoon, after years of wanting to live downtown, my roommate and I found the most adorable apartment (it has a porch!) with a landlord who was, shockingly, willing to hold for us until May. That same evening, I went on the best first date of my life with an amazing guy who is now boyfriend. It's like, after all those years of refusing to settle, the universe was finally saying "yes, this is where you're supposed to be- enjoy it". I'm incredibly grateful and not taking a single second of it for granted.

Sitting here now, at twenty-six (and a half!) years old, I feel at once settled and anticipatory. I'm blessed with some incredible friends, a great apartment, a boyfriend who is better than anyone I could have dreamed up. At the same time, though, things are in the midst of shifting and changing. Some close friends are considering making big moves, some are newly engaged. Some are starting new jobs or taking big trips. Personally, I'm in the midst of a career change and trying to figure out what my next professional steps will be. So many things feel like they're about to happen. Like we're the brink of so much. It's a season I already know I'll look back on fondly.

In a way, it feels like a season characterized as one last hurrah of being a "young" adult. My close friends are starting to get married, taking jobs with more responsibility, graduating from Master's programs and starting new careers. They're about to start buying houses and making  "grown up" decisions- it's a lot. At one point in my life this would have overwhelmed me, but I honestly feel ready for what's ahead. Getting older is weird for sure, but I've found there comes a point where you just know it's the right time to take the next step.

Why? Because there's nothing scarier to me than being "stuck"- stuck in a job you hate, in a city, you've outgrown, in a relationship that doesn't lift you up, in a mindset that doesn't serve you. I'm a little self-help/improvement obsessed and truly believe in constantly evaluating yourself and changing things to grow into the person you're meant to be.

In the last couple months, I've realized (for the millionth time) I feel most like "myself" when I'm writing and sharing my heart/encouraging others- letting them know they're not alone. It's my favorite thing. The thing I'm most proud of. The thing that makes my heart beat faster. The thing I could spend countless hours doing without even realizing a minute had passed.

I believe that everyone is born with something unique to contribute to the world. Something that the world needs that only they can give. We're not here, on this planet at this time in history, by accident. Even if it seems silly, if it brings you joy and fills you up, it's valuable. You are valuable. Your voice, your contribution, your life- matter. More than you can grasp.

Long(gggg) story short: despite falling away and starting again, my goal is to begin writing and sharing here more frequently. I've cycled through seasons of writing and not writing plenty of times, but this time feels different. Mostly because I'm with someone who constantly encourages me to get back into the practice of getting my thoughts on paper (err, screen), solely because he knows how much it means to me. I'm so, so deeply grateful for that.

So! Here's to new beginnings. To a new season. To growing and changing for the millionth time. It feels so right, to write. ;) See you soon!

- Lanie W.

Getting Back to Basics

Well, hello again blog world! It's been almost 4 months since I last posted here and it's safe to say a lot has happened in that relatively short amount of time. I turned 24, got a dog, parted ways with my long term boyfriend, moved into a new apartment, started a new job, traveled to Chicago, Atlanta, and Los Angeles, had a reunion with my college best friends (after 2 years apart), started freelancing for a magazine, etc, etc, etc. I'll spare you the rest but suffice it to say, it's been a crazy time. Fun and new, but crazy and unsettled at the same time.

In all this change and upheaval there's been certainly been goodness and growth, but also a lot of confusion and (what feels like) backsliding. I'm really grateful for the way my life is playing out and everything new I'm getting to experience and how much fun I've been having, but my ability to put rose colored glasses on the past can be a challenge. This isn't saying I want to go back to how things used to be in a former season of my life, but honestly (and it's hard to admit this) I feel like I've been a better person previously than I am right now.

Moving into a new season of life and trying to figure out how to navigate it "successfully" isn't an easy task, and I'm afraid it's lead to me putting blinders on and focusing way too much on myself. Back when things felt more normal and settled I had the time and space to look around me and be more mindful. I prided myself on helping others to feel better and encouraging my friends/family to look on the positive side of life. I would much rather be the one putting joy into others lives than being someone who stays in her lane and doesn't give her energy and love to the people and world around her.

I've even found it harder to find as much joy in the little things that used to make me happy, like a quiet, beautiful morning or good book. I've felt distracted, caught up in my own head- constantly thinking about my life and how things are going- the next plans I have or who I'm going to hang out with. Not that being busy and having a full social life is a bad thing (I've had more fun and adventures this summer than I have in a long time) but I worry I've placed too much importance on external stimulation rather than internal contentment.

For most of my life I've definitely considered myself an introvert. I felt most relaxed and content just hanging by myself- reading or writing or taking a long walk. I'm not sure why I've felt so pulled to be around other people, but for the past few months I've found that I'm mainly just bored and lonely when I'm by myself/not out doing something. I'm not sure how or why this shifted, but I know that I don't want to lose that part of myself. I love my independence and ability to be content on my own without relying on others- it's one of the main things that makes me me. 

I'm honestly not even sure where this blog post is going, but it's just something I felt I had to write/process/get out of my head. I suppose the point is this- regardless of the season of life I'm in I don't want to lose myself, the core things that make me who I am, in the shuffle. But I also don't want to cling to the past and resist change. How do you stay grounded when everything else is in your life has been turned upside down (in both good and bad ways) while still being open and accepting newness/change? I'm trying to figure this out, but like everything else I've experienced in this world of "adulthood", I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

What I do know is this: moving forward I want to get back to basics, to the less-self centered version of myself. I want to lift my head up and notice/appreciate the people and world around me. I want to read and learn and write and challenge myself personally on a regular basis. I want to be a positive light to people in my life. I want to be okay with being alone and still. I want to grow in a meaningful way and get back to my faith on a deeper level. My life has been revolving around the wrong things and I'm grateful that I've been able to realize this and actively make a point to change it for the better. The joke of the summer is that I'm the "new Lanie", but I don't want to completely lose the "old Lanie" in the meantime. Trying to figure out how to blend the good parts of both the new and old me isn't easy, but I'm going to be mindful about it and give it my best shot.

I'm so grateful for my life- the people, where I live, my pup, the health of my friends and family, my passions, etc. Things may not be perfect (and let's be real, they never will be) but I'm figuring it out as I go and am thankful to have this space to explore and share my thoughts as I do. If you've read this far, I'm impressed and thank you! I'd love to hear any similar struggles you've had or advice on how to reconcile staying true to yourself in the midst of change. xoxoxo

-Lanie W.

An Ode to Springtime

I've always considered myself a bit of a nature nerd. While some people go about their lives not really noticing their natural surroundings, I take the opposite approach and am probably a bit too observant. You can often find me stopped dead in my tracks gawking at a sunrise or sunset (which can make going on a walk with me a bit annoying I'm sure- sorry friends!). Standing in the morning light watching the day come to life feels like getting a hug from an old friend. The way the soft sunlight filters through the trees or a gentle breeze rustles new spring leaves makes me positively giddy. One glance at my Instagram (@laniemw) and you'll see that photos of flowers, trees, and water outnumber photos of people 10 to 1.

Growing up and living in the lowcountry, surrounded by the marsh and palmetto trees and garden-filled cities like Charleston and Savannah, is such a gift and I treasure each day I get to spend here. My soul and this little part of the world are truly one in the same- I feel completely intertwined with the sweeping landscapes and delicate intricacies that make up the South Carolina coast. While I appreciate the nuances that accompany each of the four seasons here, every time spring arrives I realize that it's where my heart truly lies.

My birthday is April 3rd- I'm an Aries born in the heart of springtime. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly feel like my heart and soul are connected to spring and nature in a deep, unexplainable way. I never gave this feeling too much thought- I just accepted that it was how I'm wired  and went about my life. However, on my walk this morning I had a realization- the blooming and stirring and coming to life of nature in spring is so special to me because feels like my yearly birthday gift from the Lord- like it's all happening especially for me.

There are so many soul-saturating opportunities to experience the truth of the Gospel in nature it blows my mind. To see a barren tree without a single green leaf suddenly spring to life over night is one of the most poignant examples of the love, grace, provision and power of Jesus I can imagine. I am reminded of and filled up by Him every time I sit and listen to the birds sing, when I see a new flower that wasn't there the day before, when I feel the sunshine on my face or the breeze in my hair, when I sit by the water and marvel at its vast, deep endlessness. He isn't an abstract thought or person from a story in the Bible- He's there, He's all around, He's present and active every moment- it never fails to give me chills and the deepest sense of gratitude.

I don't believe in coincidences. I know that I was born in springtime because it's the time nature is the most in your face and obvious- demanding to be noticed and appreciated. When what was dead and dormant comes screaming to life and color and fullness again you simply have to stop and let yourself experience it- experience Him. I'll never get over my nature/springtime obsession, and I'm so thankful that the Lord planted this connection to Him + His amazing creation in my heart.

-Lanie W.

Don't Call It A Comeback

So, I'm realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I miss my blog/blogging. I miss the ritual of re-capping tidbits of my life, sharing what's inspiring me, and just writing on a frequent basis. The problem is, I don't really know what to make this space about. I'm in SUCH a different place in my life than I was in 2012, about to start my Junior year of college (sidenote: I can't believe this blog is going to turn 4 years old in July- so crazy). I have different passions, priorities, ideas, beliefs, desires, etc. In light of that, I want this space to keep growing and changing as I learn and get older, but I don't really know how to make that happen in a fluid way.

I've said it a million times, but being a (young) "adult" is weird. It's fuzzy and unclear 99% of the time. It's setting out on a journey without even knowing your destination- like the people back in Columbus' time who tried to find the edge of the earth/new land. We step off the secure, easily navigable land of childhood/school/college, get into a boat, and push off into the wild ocean without a single clue how the journey will go, when we'll arrive, or even if we'll ever get somewhere. How are we supposed to reconcile that this never-ending, life-long journey to a destination we don't know even exists is just "how it is"? I suppose my type-a, planner side doesn't help me cope in this shifting scenario, but I digress.

The good, life-changing news is we're all in this weird, (seemingly) directionless boat together- and the person steering the boat (Jesus) knows our destination. He knows exactly where we're going, when we'll arrive, when we'll encounter storms and when we'll drift peacefully underneath blue skies. I'm the first to admit that putting faith in our Captain seems impossibly hard sometimes. We just want access to the map that lays out exactly where our path will take us and how long it will take to get there. But, I'm learning, that isn't how life works. We're just along for the journey and have to do our best along the way. That's the only thing we know- we're on an adventure and our Captain is more than capable of keeping us safe. He isn't promising our sailing will always be struggle-free, but he is promising that he'll never abandon the ship. He's here for the long haul- no matter what, and he invites us to lean on Him for constant support. The best part is that he's infinitely capable of taking care of us if we simply put our trust and faith in Him every single day.  I don't know about you, but knowing Jesus is, and always will be, at the helm is the most peace-giving truth I've ever known. <3

If anything, starting this second full year post-college has made me feel less adult than I did when I first got a job/apartment/moved to a new city. It seems like my friends and I are all feeling restless and ready for new things- new apartments, new cities, new jobs, etc. We're all on the brink of something, without knowing what that something will be. Regardless of where this year takes me and what I decide to write about, here's what I want my internet presence to be: honest. In college you think that once you graduate and become an "adult" that everything will work out and you'll magically feel "grown up". But here's the thing- life isn't always tropical vacations and promotions and a great salary with benefits. It's hard work and there are new obstacles to tackle every single day. However, I've found that acknowledging the ebb and flow of good/bad can be cathartic. When we're vulnerable and share our truths we can actually heal and help one another. We're all going through this weird experience of life together, but only when we take down our protective walls of curated "perfection" can we can truly support each other. It's not easy, but opening up and being real with each other really makes life infinitely more connected/sweet.

I suppose I'll just start where I am- by simply making the commitment to post at least once a week. I can't promise that what I'll be posting about will even be interesting to read, but I'm at the point where I don't really care about my "stats" or number of followers- I just want to write and honor the part of myself that truly enjoys blogging to blog. SO- that's where I'm at. I'm going to attempt to redeem my sub-par 2015 blogging frequency and attempt to regain my discipline/passion for sharing my thoughts through writing. Here goes nothing!

xoxoxo

- Lanie W.

Whirlwind

Whew- the first two weeks of 2016 have been c-r-a-z-y, but in the best way possible. On New Years Eve my boyfriend and I made a (super) spur of the moment decision to drive across the country to see our Clemson Tigers play in the National Championship game in Arizona! After quickly finding tickets and figuring out how to get there, we packed up his car and drove to Austin, Texas to meet up with five of our best friends from college. From there, the seven of us drove the rest of the way to Arizona together.

The trip turned out to be the adventure of a lifetime. Nothing in the whole world beats being with old friends- people who truly know you, who've seen you through good and bad, who love you for you. We haven't all been in the same place at the same time since 2014, so being trapped in a car together for 14+ hours straight was basically a dream come true. We had the best time reminiscing, catching up on our new lives, laughing, talking, and just soaking up our time together.  The entire trip was one of the most ridiculous, fun, hilarious, crazy, amazing things I've ever done and I loved every second of it. A cross-country road trip with best friends is one of those *bucket list* items you always want to do, but never actually think will happen. I'm so thankful to Clemson for giving us all a reason to come together again- my heart hasn't been that full in a long time. Here's a peek at the trip-

The biggest highlight of the week was definitely visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time (the fact that I got to experience this breathtaking place with my best friends made it even sweeter). It was easily one of the (if not the) most beautiful, truly awe-inspiring places I've ever been. Nature is my happy place, so I was totally in heaven in this incredible park surrounded by the most unique landscapes I've experienced in my 23 years of life.  I can't express how deeply thankful I am to have had the privilege to visit one of the most special places in our country- such a blessing!

My people <3 

After making the journey from South Carolina to Arizona and back, I turned around two days later and ran my very first half-marathon! My girlfriend and I have been training since October, so it was crazy that the race seemed to arrive and end so quickly! It was a tough, fun, crazy experience and I still can't believe I actually did it! We were so lucky that the weather was perfect and I'm so proud to say I finished it in 2 hours and 13 minutes (2 minutes faster than my goal time)! Whoop whoop!

After such a whirlwind few weeks I feel like I'm finally settling into the new year and getting back to regular life after the holidays. Here's to getting settled, organized, and back in my routine! Cheers!

-Lanie W.

2015 --> 2016

Helloooo... it's me. (Sorry, I'm currently listening to 25 on my record player and couldn't resist the chance to quote Adele)! Well well well- I don't even know where begin. It's been so long sine I've written here it feels a bit odd to do so. I'm not even sure I know how to blog anymore. I'm so out of practice with sharing my thoughts through writing on a regular basis that I feel a little very rusty. To be completely honest, I do miss the ritual of writing here a few days a week. I really can't believe I was able to blog on such a consistent basis while also doing school/life/an internship full time. I'm retroactively impressed with myself, if that's even possible (lolz).

I'm in the process of reviewing my 2015 goals and measuring how the year went. Looking back, 2015 was great and weird, confusing and fun, life-giving and full of change. I was pushed out of my comfort zone constantly and learned what it meant to truly rely on the Lord for strength and guidance. I worked my first real job for a full year and learned so much about life, myself, other people, and a thousand other random intricacies of "adulthood". My friends and I laughed and cried and smiled and complained and told the same stories over and over again. We went to happy hours and weddings and football games. We danced and rode bikes and ate too many tacos. I ran a 10k and started training for my first half marathon (which I'm going to be running in just 13 days!!!). I found a church I love and spent blissful, soul-nourishing hours worshiping Jesus with some amazing humans. I traveled to a brand new city (St. Louis!). Brandon and I finally got to fly in a plane together for the first time. I attended two really interesting (but very different) professional conferences. I made new friends and deepened relationships with those I've known for years. Mostly, I spent the 2015 un-learning everything I knew to be true for the first 23 years of my life and re-forming how I understand, live in, and experience the world + life in general. It was really challenging at times, but also full of grace and "aha" moments. If I could sum up the year in one word it would definitely be this: growth.

Moving into 2016, I'm unsure how to feel. It's sure to be another year full of the unknown; 365 days of new circumstances and experiences that will bring both good and bad, joy and pain. I have no idea what's going to happen, and that's feeling more scary than exciting right now for some reason. There are so many what-if's swirling around the new year, but here's what I'm hoping will happen in 2016: 

Move a new apartment in a different area of town

Adopt a puppy (!!!)

Travel to Austin, Chicago and Nashville (to name a few)

Take Brandon to NYC for the first time

Reunite with my roommates from Florida 

Keep up my passion for nutrition + my fitness/running routine

Make my family and friends feel special and loved by me at all times

Help people and make a difference in my community

Read, learn, and challenge myself continually

Have quiet time to pray, journal, and spend time with the Lord each day

Take advantage of living in Charleston and experience new things

Grow in my faith, join a small group, and be brave about sharing Jesus' amazing love with others

Spend as much time with the people I love as possible, because life is so short and uncertain

There are so many tangible and intangible things I hope to do this year, but most of all I want to do everything out of love and a lens of eternal significance. If I end the year and all I've done is cover my family, friends, and those I interact with in Jesus' love, then I will consider 2016 a success. I don't have as many hard "goals" as I do a passion for making this year full of joy rooted in Jesus- because He is truly all that matters yesterday, today, and forever. Living the next 12 months in pursuit of Him will yield better things than I could ever dream up for myself- and that is really the only thing I know to be true.

However you're hoping this year will go, I wish you a wonderful start of 2016! I'd love to say when I'll be back to the blog, but given my sporadic writing nature these days I really don't know when that will be. :)

Until next time! xoxo

-Lanie W.

Thoughts on Life at 23

You know that feeling when you haven't seen someone (a friend, a significant other, etc.) in a long time and you finally reunite? The butterflies, the surge of nervous energy, the anticipation? When I finally sat down to write something for my little abandoned corner of the internet that's the feeling that came over me. I'm honestly a little nervous about this for some reason. I find it kind of strange that I spent the past few years writing and sharing things here on a consistent basis. (Sidenote: this is going to be more than a little ramble-y, you've been warned).

It's been 3 months since I last wrote a post here. A lot has happened since then- working, traveling to Atlanta/ North Carolina/Clemson/my hometown/St. Louis, going to concerts (James Taylor + Ed Sheeran <3), attending a Braves game, an art show, two weddings, hip hop dance classes, playing in a glow in the dark Bocce Ball league (lol), hanging out with friends new and old. I find myself itching for a change, but not knowing what that change should/could be. Part of me wonders if it's the fact that my brain is sill programmed to work in 9 month increments at a time since that's the way my life was structured from ages 6 to 22. Or it could be that I'm ready for something different because that's the stage of life I'm in. I could choose to really put down roots or I could shift directions completely and go somewhere/do something brand new.

The scary (somewhat annoying) thing about shifting into life as an "adult" (whatever that means) is that there's no right answer or pre-determined path to take. I'm halfway through my 23rd year and I almost feel like I'm unlearning everything I knew to be "true" for the first half of my life and relearning how to exist in the world every day. Growing up has been a cycle of breaking down and re-forming my core ideas, views on the world, and way I live my life. Everything used to seem so black and white, but things are increasingly blurry and confusing as the days pass.

I read an article from Elite Daily dissecting why being 23 feels so weird that said "Science shows that your brain is on the tail-end of its mental peak, taken differently, it's at the beginning of mental decline. Your prefrontal cortex, the part that controls emotional responses, is at its height of formation -- making us crazy with feelings. The rest of your brain, however, is retaining information it thinks it'll use and clearing out the rest." I can definitely relate- my brain/emotions feels spazzy and shifty a lot of the time.

I'm happy knowing I'm not the only one going through this. My friends and I constantly talk about how this stage of life is so weird/unsettling 85% of the time. With the shiny highlight-reel that is social media constantly playing out snippets of "perfect" lives in front of our faces 24/7, our instincts tell us to join the masses and act like we're totally killing it- that we have gorgeous apartments, happy relationships, passion-filled careers, busy social lives, etc. But when we're really honest with each other we admit that everything isn't great all the time. It's so refreshing to read an article or Instagram post that admits life isn't all avocado toast and fun vacations- sometimes it's hard and dark and twisty and makes zero sense.

Sometimes I'm not sure that I'll ever feel settled, satisfied, or "adult". I laugh at my 18 year old self who thought mid-twenties Lanie would be "grown up" and have it all together. But you know what? I'm realizing more and more that it's okay that I don't. I've been learning (the hard way) to give myself, and others, grace. Grace to be young and to not have it all together. Grace to change and shift and grow every day. Grace to screw up and make the wrong choices. Grace to actually sit with sad, confused, or contemplative feelings instead of pushing them away. Grace to know that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and that I don't have to constantly strive for some unattainable cultural expectation of adulthood - I can just live. Why? Because Jesus. He's already done the work. We're loved and saved and safe in Him without having to do anything other than trust Him and profess Him as our Lord. *Cue the world's biggest relieved exhale* - I truly couldn't do life without my relationship with Him. I'm realizing more and more that my neediness in this stage of life is probably there to teach me to trust in and rely on Him rather than my own "strength" or "life plan". And even though it's harder than those stretches of life where I've felt strong and in control I wouldn't change it, because I'm closer to Him now than ever before. I'm getting first hand experience that when we are weak, He is strong. And that's sweeter than anything I could imagine.

I'm type-A. I like working towards a goal, I like a list, I like checking things off and hitting milestones in a certain timetable. Letting go, holding my plans loosely, and trusting that His path for me is better than anything I cold possibly dream up is hard, but it's so worth it. I'm learning that more and more each day. Growing pains aren't easy, but life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be a journey that leads us closed to Him. Praise God for that. If this season of life is leading me to Him then I accept all the changes and weirdness with open arms. I don't/won't understand everything, but I'm not supposed to and, best of all, I'm not expected to. I'm so thankful that my worth isn't pinned on what I do, but what He has already done for me.

So, that's a small peek at where I'm at and where I've been. I truly want to start writing here on a consistent basis. Sharing my thoughts through writing is so important to my heart and soul. Other than dancing, it's my favorite way to find release- it makes me feel like me. My hope is to start posting at least once a week - so stay tuned. xoxo

-Lanie W.

Thoughts on "Bittersweet"

I remember reading somewhere that a good, thought-provoking book can change you. That it can make you into a new, different person who carries the lessons and thoughts from the author the rest of your life. I never really understood this concept until I read two books by Shauna Niequist. First, Cold Tangerines and then, because I couldn't get enough of her rawness, honesty, and thought-churning brilliance, Bittersweet. I just finished the latter and I already want to drive straight to the bookstore to purchase her newly released book, Savor.

Very few thing in this day and age connect with me and spur me to truly think- to sit with my thoughts and consider ideas and feelings both new and old. Ever since I graduated college (with an English degree- hello) I've, embarrassingly, read very few books. For those few years reading took on the persona of obligation, achievement, and something that kept me from what I really wanted to be doing (aka hanging out with my friends, vegging out watching ABC Family, eating frozen yogurt until my stomach hurt- totally things that would help me grow as a person #lol). These days, since I work in social media, I look at a screen more than anything else. I thought I would be so happy to be rid of reading lists full of books that literally made my brain hurt to try and comprehend, but I'm now realizing what a luxury that was and how much I miss it. To be told to read books that creep into your consciousness and change the way you view the world- what a gift. If you're in college, please appreciate this phase of your life!

These days I (shamefully) spend time that I could (should) be reading, looking at a screen. I work, exercise, come home and pretty much turn off my brain until I go to sleep. Rise, repeat, over and over. But that's not the way I want to live my life. I don't want it to be a fog of emails and social media and sitting in front of the tv. I want it to be full of thought and growth and change. In the past month I've read more than I have in a year, and I think I have summer to thank for that. I've always seen summer as the time of reading "for fun" as cliché as that sounds. In the last 10 years, laying on the beach or by the pool, I've read thousands of pages of light, fluffy, generally unchallenging prose. But in two books, less than 800 pages between them, I've learned more about the world, God, life, love, pain, beauty, and myself than all of those other books put together. And I'm so, so thankful.

Shauna is phenomenal in a completely different way than one would expect of a brilliant writer. She isn't reaching for the most glamorous, dramatic, page-turning stories or ideas. She's taking life- real, meaty, messed up human life- and explaining it in a way that's more poignant than anything I've ever read by an obscure scholar, prize-winning author, or celebrated professor. During/after reading her books my brain is a flurry of activity and thought and my heart is full and swirling with newly inspired/tilled up emotion. It brings me back to who I am and challenges me to think about how I'm living and who I'm becoming. We're kindred spirits, Shauna and I. We're both former English majors who love to read and write. We love celebrations, holidays, and traditions; being the one to create situations that make other people happy. We like to be the entertainers, leaders, problem-solvers, and smile generators. We love community and gathering everyone around one another in genuine fellowship.

Yet her books also taught me that even though our personalities are hardwired to cultivate/celebrate the happy things of life- we have to realize that everything can't and won't always be sunshine and smiles. I have a hard time settling into unpleasant feeling and less than ideal situations. I like to gloss over the hard stuff, push it to the back of my mind, and focus on things that make me happy, things I can "control". I like to be the one who changes the subject when things get tense/sad/emotional. I like to think I can help steer the ship and avoid pain, both for myself and others, by shutting down topics that I know will generate less than positive feelings. I don't like to sit in uncomfortable feelings and have difficult conversations- but then again who does? On some level I'd rather put a peppy pink bandaid over the situation than do the work to actually bind up the wound. I thought this was a fine way to go about life until reading her books- Bittersweet in particular. Her words and thoughts completely moved me and I'm forever changed and better for it. I'm more real and honest with myself. More in touch with my actual feelings rather than ignoring the hard stuff in favor of the happy/easy. I feel more like myself and nothing like myself at the same time. That's what brilliant writing does.

This year out of college has made me realize that life is a journey that's not straight or simple. It's completely different than the way you exist for the first 22 years of your life, moving from grade to grade, working toward the next goal. You don't always move from one expected milestone to the next; you don't get to continually check off the next item on your life "to-do" list. But I'm also realizing and appreciating that, even though it would be easier that way, I don't want to/expect to live a perfect, perpetually unchallenging life at all. I fully realize that the journey will be great and hard, soul-filling and soul-crushing, light and dark. I've lived through some of the dark times already- I've experienced the sting of failures and pain and loss. But I've also experienced the joy and fun and lightness that can spring up in the next moment. Of course it would be wonderful for everyone to never be sad or uncomfortable or in pain, but that isn't why we're on earth. Without pain we wouldn't be able to recognize joy. And I'm thankful for that. I know that life isn't perfect or free from pain and sorrow, but it isn't supposed to be- that's what Heaven is for.

I'm grateful in the deepest level of my soul to know that God is with us, holding us, comforting us in each and every dark time. He is most present and real in the lowest and hardest of times. When the family member is lost, when a murderer harms innocent people, when an unexpected diagnosis occurs- God shines brightest. It's when the merry train of life, that usually chugs along without any major problem, comes to a sudden halt that He is most present.

Shauna put words to my feelings and opened my eyes to an entirely new way of thinking and living and I'm so, so grateful to her for being brave enough to share her stories in a raw way. Reading her books isn't easy. Her challenging words churn up the hard stuff that I usually ignore; her truths about life force me to lay it all out on the table and work through the things I've pushed away. What a gift. I pray that I have the courage to do the same- to openly share my stories in a way that makes people think and draw closer to God. Shauna- you're great. Please never stop writing and sharing your voice with the world!

-Lanie W.

Savoring Summer

So, I blogged twice in June. That's the least I've posted in a month since I started this little blog three years ago (just realized my blog-aversary is coming up on the 22nd!) - and to be honest I'm kind of content with that. My 9-5 consists of so much online/social media work that I've been making a point to step away from the computer when I'm off the clock. The act of balancing the different parts of my life (work/personal/creative/spiritual/etc) is a constant challenge and almost a year into this new season of life I'm still figuring out how to make everything flow together in a way that leaves me content and happy rather than stressed, over-scheduled, and burnt out.

The good side of this imbalance is that the less I post online the more I live my real life and experience the world. Here's a peek at what my summer has consisted of since I've stepped away from the keyboard:

Visited the ancient Angel Oak Tree 

Watched "The Notebook" on the beach underneath a full moon

Attended the Spoleto finale concert at Middleton Plantation with my brother and fun friends 

Roadtripped to Carowinds to ride roller coasters

Had an evening picnic date at the beach

Happy hour-ed at The Americano with my Charleston Blog Society pals

Attended the #BridgeofUnity walk in honor of the Emanuel 9 <3

Chased the sunset during evening bike rides

Spent a fun, relaxing 4th of July in the river with old and new friends

It sounds cliché, but I truly can't believe the summer is moving by so quickly! I'm making a point to slow down and savor this sweet, sticky season while it lasts.  I'm living the rest of this season on purpose, with my eyes wide open- full of gratitude for the sweet, simple joys of summer- beach trips, new books, cold treats, fresh fruit, bike rides, warm breezes, iced coffee, bright sunsets, and everything little thing in between. xo 

-Lanie W.

#PrayForCharleston

Last night I biked over to Shem Creek to watch the sunset around 8:30. I stood there admiring the way the pastel colors in the evening sky were reflected by the slow moving waters of the marsh below. Birds flew lazily overhead, hermit crabs scurried about- I felt at one with the world and its creatures. It was extraordinarily peaceful and my heart felt full and at rest. I was safe and at home in this low country scene that's surrounded me for most of my life.

It's so hard to imagine that at that same time a murderer was sitting in a Church just miles away, plotting his vicious attack on innocent people. Tragedies are terrible no matter where they occur, but when one happens in your city, home, and happy place.. it hits you so much more deeply and personally.

The only peace I can find in this that these kind, innocent people are with their Lord and Savior now and free of the terrors of this world. My deepest and most sincere prayers, thoughts, and love go out to the victims, their families/friends, and the entire city of Charleston. Religious freedom is what our country was built on, and to think that we aren't safe in our places of worship is too heart-breaking to consider. Lord, be with us all during this tumultuous time in our world. We need Your grace and peace now more than ever. <3

Life As Of Late

Rabbit, rabbit- happy June everyone! I seriously feel like I blinked and the last two weeks of May flew by. It's been a blur of work, fun events, and enjoying the start of summer weather in Charleston. No complaints here! Here's a look at what I've been up to-

Met @LionelTheHog at our monthly Charleston Blog Society - he's even cuter in person!

Attended a fun event at J McLaughlin with some of my favorite Charleston blogger babes

Memorial Day Weekend beach sesh (complete with Açaí bowls!) with Emily + Annie <3

Riverdogs game to finish out the holiday weekend - love the view of the sunset from their stadium!

A farewell dinner with May (at Leons) - can't believe she's moving to Chicago in August to get her masters!

Post dinner walk in the old village with Makenzie :) 

Adventuring in Savannah, GA with the boy - always love spending time in this charming city! 

Couldn't get over this chair/pillow situation a thet Paris Market (aka my favorite store in Sav). #swoon

Hope your lives have been full of good things as well! Looking forward to a fun, sunny, adventure-filled month ahead. Bring it on June! xo

-Lanie W.

Good Things

Sigh, what a wonderful weekend! I'm continually so thankful that we get a few free days to relax, explore, and spend time recharging each week. I truly appreciate them more and more as I get older!

This weekend was especially awesome because I got to spend it with my boyfriend favorite human. We're currently long distance, so our time together is rare and cherished more than usual. We had such a wonderful few days together laughing, dancing, golfing (well, him teaching me how to golf lol), and enjoying each others company. Here's a little photographic look at our weekend:

Party at the point Friday night // band + views of the harbour = yes.

 Post-golf lesson nomming at Rita's on Folly

epic nachos con watermelon salsa :D

 Folly beach packed with peeps enjoying the sunshine

 the happiest humans :)

 crazy amazing view coming home from the beach - Charleston, you're perfect

 gorgeous evening in my neighorhood for Shaggin On The Cooper

SO much fun shagging the night away to awesome tunes with my favorite dance partner!

gorgeous blooms on a TJ's run *heart eye emoji*

a little Sunday shopping (so thankful for my patient fella for putting up with me <3) - ps I bought both pairs :D

how we feel about the weekend being over :| #boolongdistance

How was your weekend? :)

-Lanie W.