1.19.2016

Don't Call It A Comeback

So, I'm realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I miss my blog/blogging. I miss the ritual of re-capping tidbits of my life, sharing what's inspiring me, and just writing on a frequent basis. The problem is, I don't really know what to make this space about. I'm in SUCH a different place in my life than I was in 2012, about to start my Junior year of college (sidenote: I can't believe this blog is going to turn 4 years old in July- so crazy). I have different passions, priorities, ideas, beliefs, desires, etc. In light of that, I want this space to keep growing and changing as I learn and get older, but I don't really know how to make that happen in a fluid way.

I've said it a million times, but being a (young) "adult" is weird. It's fuzzy and unclear 99% of the time. It's setting out on a journey without even knowing your destination- like the people back in Columbus' time who tried to find the edge of the earth/new land. We step off the secure, easily navigable land of childhood/school/college, get into a boat, and push off into the wild ocean without a single clue how the journey will go, when we'll arrive, or even if we'll ever get somewhere. How are we supposed to reconcile that this never-ending, life-long journey to a destination we don't know even exists is just "how it is"? I suppose my type-a, planner side doesn't help me cope in this shifting scenario, but I digress.

The good, life-changing news is we're all in this weird, (seemingly) directionless boat together- and the person steering the boat (Jesus) knows our destination. He knows exactly where we're going, when we'll arrive, when we'll encounter storms and when we'll drift peacefully underneath blue skies. I'm the first to admit that putting faith in our Captain seems impossibly hard sometimes. We just want access to the map that lays out exactly where our path will take us and how long it will take to get there. But, I'm learning, that isn't how life works. We're just along for the journey and have to do our best along the way. That's the only thing we know- we're on an adventure and our Captain is more than capable of keeping us safe. He isn't promising our sailing will always be struggle-free, but he is promising that he'll never abandon the ship. He's here for the long haul- no matter what, and he invites us to lean on Him for constant support. The best part is that he's infinitely capable of taking care of us if we simply put our trust and faith in Him every single day.  I don't know about you, but knowing Jesus is, and always will be, at the helm is the most peace-giving truth I've ever known. <3

If anything, starting this second full year post-college has made me feel less adult than I did when I first got a job/apartment/moved to a new city. It seems like my friends and I are all feeling restless and ready for new things- new apartments, new cities, new jobs, etc. We're all on the brink of something, without knowing what that something will be. Regardless of where this year takes me and what I decide to write about, here's what I want my internet presence to be: honest. In college you think that once you graduate and become an "adult" that everything will work out and you'll magically feel "grown up". But here's the thing- life isn't always tropical vacations and promotions and a great salary with benefits. It's hard work and there are new obstacles to tackle every single day. However, I've found that acknowledging the ebb and flow of good/bad can be cathartic. When we're vulnerable and share our truths we can actually heal and help one another. We're all going through this weird experience of life together, but only when we take down our protective walls of curated "perfection" can we can truly support each other. It's not easy, but opening up and being real with each other really makes life infinitely more connected/sweet.

I suppose I'll just start where I am- by simply making the commitment to post at least once a week. I can't promise that what I'll be posting about will even be interesting to read, but I'm at the point where I don't really care about my "stats" or number of followers- I just want to write and honor the part of myself that truly enjoys blogging to blog. SO- that's where I'm at. I'm going to attempt to redeem my sub-par 2015 blogging frequency and attempt to regain my discipline/passion for sharing my thoughts through writing. Here goes nothing!

xoxoxo

- Lanie W.

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