So, I'm realizing (for the umpteenth time) that I miss my blog/blogging. I miss the ritual of re-capping tidbits of my life, sharing what's inspiring me, and just writing on a frequent basis. The problem is, I don't really know what to make this space about. I'm in SUCH a different place in my life than I was in 2012, about to start my Junior year of college (sidenote: I can't believe this blog is going to turn 4 years old in July- so crazy). I have different passions, priorities, ideas, beliefs, desires, etc. In light of that, I want this space to keep growing and changing as I learn and get older, but I don't really know how to make that happen in a fluid way.
I've said it a million times, but being a (young) "adult" is weird. It's fuzzy and unclear 99% of the time. It's setting out on a journey without even knowing your destination- like the people back in Columbus' time who tried to find the edge of the earth/new land. We step off the secure, easily navigable land of childhood/school/college, get into a boat, and push off into the wild ocean without a single clue how the journey will go, when we'll arrive, or even if we'll ever get somewhere. How are we supposed to reconcile that this never-ending, life-long journey to a destination we don't know even exists is just "how it is"? I suppose my type-a, planner side doesn't help me cope in this shifting scenario, but I digress.
The good, life-changing news is we're all in this weird, (seemingly) directionless boat together- and the person steering the boat (Jesus) knows our destination. He knows exactly where we're going, when we'll arrive, when we'll encounter storms and when we'll drift peacefully underneath blue skies. I'm the first to admit that putting faith in our Captain seems impossibly hard sometimes. We just want access to the map that lays out exactly where our path will take us and how long it will take to get there. But, I'm learning, that isn't how life works. We're just along for the journey and have to do our best along the way. That's the only thing we know- we're on an adventure and our Captain is more than capable of keeping us safe. He isn't promising our sailing will always be struggle-free, but he is promising that he'll never abandon the ship. He's here for the long haul- no matter what, and he invites us to lean on Him for constant support. The best part is that he's infinitely capable of taking care of us if we simply put our trust and faith in Him every single day. I don't know about you, but knowing Jesus is, and always will be, at the helm is the most peace-giving truth I've ever known. <3
If anything, starting this second full year post-college has made me feel less adult than I did when I first got a job/apartment/moved to a new city. It seems like my friends and I are all feeling restless and ready for new things- new apartments, new cities, new jobs, etc. We're all on the brink of something, without knowing what that something will be. Regardless of where this year takes me and what I decide to write about, here's what I want my internet presence to be: honest. In college you think that once you graduate and become an "adult" that everything will work out and you'll magically feel "grown up". But here's the thing- life isn't always tropical vacations and promotions and a great salary with benefits. It's hard work and there are new obstacles to tackle every single day. However, I've found that acknowledging the ebb and flow of good/bad can be cathartic. When we're vulnerable and share our truths we can actually heal and help one another. We're all going through this weird experience of life together, but only when we take down our protective walls of curated "perfection" can we can truly support each other. It's not easy, but opening up and being real with each other really makes life infinitely more connected/sweet.
I suppose I'll just start where I am- by simply making the commitment to post at least once a week. I can't promise that what I'll be posting about will even be interesting to read, but I'm at the point where I don't really care about my "stats" or number of followers- I just want to write and honor the part of myself that truly enjoys blogging to blog. SO- that's where I'm at. I'm going to attempt to redeem my sub-par 2015 blogging frequency and attempt to regain my discipline/passion for sharing my thoughts through writing. Here goes nothing!
xoxoxo
- Lanie W.
1.19.2016
1.17.2016
Whirlwind
Whew- the first two weeks of 2016 have been c-r-a-z-y, but in the best way possible. On New Years Eve my boyfriend and I made a (super) spur of the moment decision to drive across the country to see our Clemson Tigers play in the National Championship game in Arizona! After quickly finding tickets and figuring out how to get there, we packed up his car and drove to Austin, Texas to meet up with five of our best friends from college. From there, the seven of us drove the rest of the way to Arizona together.
The trip turned out to be the adventure of a lifetime. Nothing in the whole world beats being with old friends- people who truly know you, who've seen you through good and bad, who love you for you. We haven't all been in the same place at the same time since 2014, so beingtrapped in a car together for 14+ hours straight was basically a dream come true. We had the best time reminiscing, catching up on our new lives, laughing, talking, and just soaking up our time together. The entire trip was one of the most ridiculous, fun, hilarious, crazy, amazing things I've ever done and I loved every second of it. A cross-country road trip with best friends is one of those *bucket list* items you always want to do, but never actually think will happen. I'm so thankful to Clemson for giving us all a reason to come together again- my heart hasn't been that full in a long time. Here's a peek at the trip-
After making the journey from South Carolina to Arizona and back, I turned around two days later and ran my very first half-marathon! My girlfriend and I have been training since October, so it was crazy that the race seemed to arrive and end so quickly! It was a tough, fun, crazy experience and I still can't believe I actually did it! We were so lucky that the weather was perfect and I'm so proud to say I finished it in 2 hours and 13 minutes (2 minutes faster than my goal time)! Whoop whoop!
After such a whirlwind few weeks I feel like I'm finally settling into the new year and getting back to regular life after the holidays. Here's to getting settled, organized, and back in my routine! Cheers!
-Lanie W.
The trip turned out to be the adventure of a lifetime. Nothing in the whole world beats being with old friends- people who truly know you, who've seen you through good and bad, who love you for you. We haven't all been in the same place at the same time since 2014, so being
The biggest highlight of the week was definitely visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time (the fact that I got to experience this breathtaking place with my best friends made it even sweeter). It was easily one of the (if not the) most beautiful, truly awe-inspiring places I've ever been. Nature is my happy place, so I was totally in heaven in this incredible park surrounded by the most unique landscapes I've experienced in my 23 years of life. I can't express how deeply thankful I am to have had the privilege to visit one of the most special places in our country- such a blessing!
My people <3
After making the journey from South Carolina to Arizona and back, I turned around two days later and ran my very first half-marathon! My girlfriend and I have been training since October, so it was crazy that the race seemed to arrive and end so quickly! It was a tough, fun, crazy experience and I still can't believe I actually did it! We were so lucky that the weather was perfect and I'm so proud to say I finished it in 2 hours and 13 minutes (2 minutes faster than my goal time)! Whoop whoop!
After such a whirlwind few weeks I feel like I'm finally settling into the new year and getting back to regular life after the holidays. Here's to getting settled, organized, and back in my routine! Cheers!
-Lanie W.
1.03.2016
2015 --> 2016
Helloooo... it's me. (Sorry, I'm currently listening to 25 on my record player and couldn't resist the chance to quote Adele)! Well well well- I don't even know where begin. It's been so long sine I've written here it feels a bit odd to do so. I'm not even sure I know how to blog anymore. I'm so out of practice with sharing my thoughts through writing on a regular basis that I feel a little very rusty. To be completely honest, I do miss the ritual of writing here a few days a week. I really can't believe I was able to blog on such a consistent basis while also doing school/life/an internship full time. I'm retroactively impressed with myself, if that's even possible (lolz).
I'm in the process of reviewing my 2015 goals and measuring how the year went. Looking back, 2015 was great and weird, confusing and fun, life-giving and full of change. I was pushed out of my comfort zone constantly and learned what it meant to truly rely on the Lord for strength and guidance. I worked my first real job for a full year and learned so much about life, myself, other people, and a thousand other random intricacies of "adulthood". My friends and I laughed and cried and smiled and complained and told the same stories over and over again. We went to happy hours and weddings and football games. We danced and rode bikes and ate too many tacos. I ran a 10k and started training for my first half marathon (which I'm going to be running in just 13 days!!!). I found a church I love and spent blissful, soul-nourishing hours worshiping Jesus with some amazing humans. I traveled to a brand new city (St. Louis!). Brandon and I finally got to fly in a plane together for the first time. I attended two really interesting (but very different) professional conferences. I made new friends and deepened relationships with those I've known for years. Mostly, I spent the 2015 un-learning everything I knew to be true for the first 23 years of my life and re-forming how I understand, live in, and experience the world + life in general. It was really challenging at times, but also full of grace and "aha" moments. If I could sum up the year in one word it would definitely be this: growth.
Moving into 2016, I'm unsure how to feel. It's sure to be another year full of the unknown; 365 days of new circumstances and experiences that will bring both good and bad, joy and pain. I have no idea what's going to happen, and that's feeling more scary than exciting right now for some reason. There are so many what-if's swirling around the new year, but here's what I'm hoping will happen in 2016:
There are so many tangible and intangible things I hope to do this year, but most of all I want to do everything out of love and a lens of eternal significance. If I end the year and all I've done is cover my family, friends, and those I interact with in Jesus' love, then I will consider 2016 a success. I don't have as many hard "goals" as I do a passion for making this year full of joy rooted in Jesus- because He is truly all that matters yesterday, today, and forever. Living the next 12 months in pursuit of Him will yield better things than I could ever dream up for myself- and that is really the only thing I know to be true.
However you're hoping this year will go, I wish you a wonderful start of 2016! I'd love to say when I'll be back to the blog, but given my sporadic writing nature these days I really don't know when that will be. :)
Until next time! xoxo
-Lanie W.
I'm in the process of reviewing my 2015 goals and measuring how the year went. Looking back, 2015 was great and weird, confusing and fun, life-giving and full of change. I was pushed out of my comfort zone constantly and learned what it meant to truly rely on the Lord for strength and guidance. I worked my first real job for a full year and learned so much about life, myself, other people, and a thousand other random intricacies of "adulthood". My friends and I laughed and cried and smiled and complained and told the same stories over and over again. We went to happy hours and weddings and football games. We danced and rode bikes and ate too many tacos. I ran a 10k and started training for my first half marathon (which I'm going to be running in just 13 days!!!). I found a church I love and spent blissful, soul-nourishing hours worshiping Jesus with some amazing humans. I traveled to a brand new city (St. Louis!). Brandon and I finally got to fly in a plane together for the first time. I attended two really interesting (but very different) professional conferences. I made new friends and deepened relationships with those I've known for years. Mostly, I spent the 2015 un-learning everything I knew to be true for the first 23 years of my life and re-forming how I understand, live in, and experience the world + life in general. It was really challenging at times, but also full of grace and "aha" moments. If I could sum up the year in one word it would definitely be this: growth.
Moving into 2016, I'm unsure how to feel. It's sure to be another year full of the unknown; 365 days of new circumstances and experiences that will bring both good and bad, joy and pain. I have no idea what's going to happen, and that's feeling more scary than exciting right now for some reason. There are so many what-if's swirling around the new year, but here's what I'm hoping will happen in 2016:
Move a new apartment in a different area of town
Adopt a puppy (!!!)
Travel to Austin, Chicago and Nashville (to name a few)
Take Brandon to NYC for the first time
Reunite with my roommates from Florida
Keep up my passion for nutrition + my fitness/running routine
Make my family and friends feel special and loved by me at all times
Help people and make a difference in my community
Read, learn, and challenge myself continually
Have quiet time to pray, journal, and spend time with the Lord each day
Take advantage of living in Charleston and experience new things
Grow in my faith, join a small group, and be brave about sharing Jesus' amazing love with others
Spend as much time with the people I love as possible, because life is so short and uncertain
There are so many tangible and intangible things I hope to do this year, but most of all I want to do everything out of love and a lens of eternal significance. If I end the year and all I've done is cover my family, friends, and those I interact with in Jesus' love, then I will consider 2016 a success. I don't have as many hard "goals" as I do a passion for making this year full of joy rooted in Jesus- because He is truly all that matters yesterday, today, and forever. Living the next 12 months in pursuit of Him will yield better things than I could ever dream up for myself- and that is really the only thing I know to be true.
However you're hoping this year will go, I wish you a wonderful start of 2016! I'd love to say when I'll be back to the blog, but given my sporadic writing nature these days I really don't know when that will be. :)
Until next time! xoxo
-Lanie W.
10.23.2015
Thoughts on Life at 23
You know that feeling when you haven't seen someone (a friend, a significant other, etc.) in a long time and you finally reunite? The butterflies, the surge of nervous energy, the anticipation? When I finally sat down to write something for my little abandoned corner of the internet that's the feeling that came over me. I'm honestly a little nervous about this for some reason. I find it kind of strange that I spent the past few years writing and sharing things here on a consistent basis. (Sidenote: this is going to be more than a little ramble-y, you've been warned).
It's been 3 months since I last wrote a post here. A lot has happened since then- working, traveling to Atlanta/ North Carolina/Clemson/my hometown/St. Louis, going to concerts (James Taylor + Ed Sheeran <3), attending a Braves game, an art show, two weddings, hip hop dance classes, playing in a glow in the dark Bocce Ball league (lol), hanging out with friends new and old. I find myself itching for a change, but not knowing what that change should/could be. Part of me wonders if it's the fact that my brain is sill programmed to work in 9 month increments at a time since that's the way my life was structured from ages 6 to 22. Or it could be that I'm ready for something different because that's the stage of life I'm in. I could choose to really put down roots or I could shift directions completely and go somewhere/do something brand new.
The scary (somewhat annoying) thing about shifting into life as an "adult" (whatever that means) is that there's no right answer or pre-determined path to take. I'm halfway through my 23rd year and I almost feel like I'm unlearning everything I knew to be "true" for the first half of my life and relearning how to exist in the world every day. Growing up has been a cycle of breaking down and re-forming my core ideas, views on the world, and way I live my life. Everything used to seem so black and white, but things are increasingly blurry and confusing as the days pass.
I read an article from Elite Daily dissecting why being 23 feels so weird that said "Science shows that your brain is on the tail-end of its mental peak, taken differently, it's at the beginning of mental decline. Your prefrontal cortex, the part that controls emotional responses, is at its height of formation -- making us crazy with feelings. The rest of your brain, however, is retaining information it thinks it'll use and clearing out the rest." I can definitely relate- my brain/emotions feels spazzy and shifty a lot of the time.
I'm happy knowing I'm not the only one going through this. My friends and I constantly talk about how this stage of life is so weird/unsettling 85% of the time. With the shiny highlight-reel that is social media constantly playing out snippets of "perfect" lives in front of our faces 24/7, our instincts tell us to join the masses and act like we're totally killing it- that we have gorgeous apartments, happy relationships, passion-filled careers, busy social lives, etc. But when we're really honest with each other we admit that everything isn't great all the time. It's so refreshing to read an article or Instagram post that admits life isn't all avocado toast and fun vacations- sometimes it's hard and dark and twisty and makes zero sense.
Sometimes I'm not sure that I'll ever feel settled, satisfied, or "adult". I laugh at my 18 year old self who thought mid-twenties Lanie would be "grown up" and have it all together. But you know what? I'm realizing more and more that it's okay that I don't. I've been learning (the hard way) to give myself, and others, grace. Grace to be young and to not have it all together. Grace to change and shift and grow every day. Grace to screw up and make the wrong choices. Grace to actually sit with sad, confused, or contemplative feelings instead of pushing them away. Grace to know that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and that I don't have to constantly strive for some unattainable cultural expectation of adulthood - I can just live. Why? Because Jesus. He's already done the work. We're loved and saved and safe in Him without having to do anything other than trust Him and profess Him as our Lord. *Cue the world's biggest relieved exhale* - I truly couldn't do life without my relationship with Him. I'm realizing more and more that my neediness in this stage of life isprobably there to teach me to trust in and rely on Him rather than my own "strength" or "life plan". And even though it's harder than those stretches of life where I've felt strong and in control I wouldn't change it, because I'm closer to Him now than ever before. I'm getting first hand experience that when we are weak, He is strong. And that's sweeter than anything I could imagine.
I'm type-A. I like working towards a goal, I like a list, I like checking things off and hitting milestones in a certain timetable. Letting go, holding my plans loosely, and trusting that His path for me is better than anything I cold possibly dream up is hard, but it's so worth it. I'm learning that more and more each day. Growing pains aren't easy, but life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be a journey that leads us closed to Him. Praise God for that. If this season of life is leading me to Him then I accept all the changes and weirdness with open arms. I don't/won't understand everything, but I'm not supposed to and, best of all, I'm not expected to. I'm so thankful that my worth isn't pinned on what I do, but what He has already done for me.
So, that's a small peek at where I'm at and where I've been. I truly want to start writing here on a consistent basis. Sharing my thoughts through writing is so important to my heart and soul. Other than dancing, it's my favorite way to find release- it makes me feel like me. My hope is to start posting at least once a week - so stay tuned. xoxo
-Lanie W.
It's been 3 months since I last wrote a post here. A lot has happened since then- working, traveling to Atlanta/ North Carolina/Clemson/my hometown/St. Louis, going to concerts (James Taylor + Ed Sheeran <3), attending a Braves game, an art show, two weddings, hip hop dance classes, playing in a glow in the dark Bocce Ball league (lol), hanging out with friends new and old. I find myself itching for a change, but not knowing what that change should/could be. Part of me wonders if it's the fact that my brain is sill programmed to work in 9 month increments at a time since that's the way my life was structured from ages 6 to 22. Or it could be that I'm ready for something different because that's the stage of life I'm in. I could choose to really put down roots or I could shift directions completely and go somewhere/do something brand new.
The scary (somewhat annoying) thing about shifting into life as an "adult" (whatever that means) is that there's no right answer or pre-determined path to take. I'm halfway through my 23rd year and I almost feel like I'm unlearning everything I knew to be "true" for the first half of my life and relearning how to exist in the world every day. Growing up has been a cycle of breaking down and re-forming my core ideas, views on the world, and way I live my life. Everything used to seem so black and white, but things are increasingly blurry and confusing as the days pass.
I read an article from Elite Daily dissecting why being 23 feels so weird that said "Science shows that your brain is on the tail-end of its mental peak, taken differently, it's at the beginning of mental decline. Your prefrontal cortex, the part that controls emotional responses, is at its height of formation -- making us crazy with feelings. The rest of your brain, however, is retaining information it thinks it'll use and clearing out the rest." I can definitely relate- my brain/emotions feels spazzy and shifty a lot of the time.
I'm happy knowing I'm not the only one going through this. My friends and I constantly talk about how this stage of life is so weird/unsettling 85% of the time. With the shiny highlight-reel that is social media constantly playing out snippets of "perfect" lives in front of our faces 24/7, our instincts tell us to join the masses and act like we're totally killing it- that we have gorgeous apartments, happy relationships, passion-filled careers, busy social lives, etc. But when we're really honest with each other we admit that everything isn't great all the time. It's so refreshing to read an article or Instagram post that admits life isn't all avocado toast and fun vacations- sometimes it's hard and dark and twisty and makes zero sense.
Sometimes I'm not sure that I'll ever feel settled, satisfied, or "adult". I laugh at my 18 year old self who thought mid-twenties Lanie would be "grown up" and have it all together. But you know what? I'm realizing more and more that it's okay that I don't. I've been learning (the hard way) to give myself, and others, grace. Grace to be young and to not have it all together. Grace to change and shift and grow every day. Grace to screw up and make the wrong choices. Grace to actually sit with sad, confused, or contemplative feelings instead of pushing them away. Grace to know that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and that I don't have to constantly strive for some unattainable cultural expectation of adulthood - I can just live. Why? Because Jesus. He's already done the work. We're loved and saved and safe in Him without having to do anything other than trust Him and profess Him as our Lord. *Cue the world's biggest relieved exhale* - I truly couldn't do life without my relationship with Him. I'm realizing more and more that my neediness in this stage of life is
I'm type-A. I like working towards a goal, I like a list, I like checking things off and hitting milestones in a certain timetable. Letting go, holding my plans loosely, and trusting that His path for me is better than anything I cold possibly dream up is hard, but it's so worth it. I'm learning that more and more each day. Growing pains aren't easy, but life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be a journey that leads us closed to Him. Praise God for that. If this season of life is leading me to Him then I accept all the changes and weirdness with open arms. I don't/won't understand everything, but I'm not supposed to and, best of all, I'm not expected to. I'm so thankful that my worth isn't pinned on what I do, but what He has already done for me.
So, that's a small peek at where I'm at and where I've been. I truly want to start writing here on a consistent basis. Sharing my thoughts through writing is so important to my heart and soul. Other than dancing, it's my favorite way to find release- it makes me feel like me. My hope is to start posting at least once a week - so stay tuned. xoxo
-Lanie W.
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