I'll be honest, I sat down a few times this week and attempted to blog but nothing felt quite right or authentic, so I didn't post. I've been struggling a bit with where I'm seeking strength, mental clarity, heart-filling peace, and sufficiency. I'm 100% a type-a person. I like a plan, I like checking things off a list, I like the feeling of accomplishment. Lately, however, my typical actions/routines have left me feeling fruitless, empty, drained of energy- kind of like a dried up sponge.
I've had a million half-baked emotions and half-baked thoughts going through my head, but nothing that felt connected or made me feel that satisfying spark. I've been stretching myself between focusing on my work, trying to spend time with friends, keeping up a regular exercise routine, and attempting to have a little down time that doesn't involve a screen (ha). It probably seems on the surface like I'm getting everything done and keeping it together, but inside I feel like I've been furiously spinning my wheels and going nowhere.
Have you ever been there? Your life seems like it's going fine by human standards; there are no real problems or dramatic situations, work is good, but you still feel a bit lifeless and like something isn't quite right or real? I think when we reach this point it's God's way of saying "Hey you, this broken human world doesn't have anything that's going to fix that feeling you have. Stop looking for earthly places to find your joy, peace, inspiration, and accomplishment because nothing will every satisfy those intangible desires of your heart other than deep connection and communication with Me." Woah.
I woke up early this morning with the intention of going for a run. Instead, I found myself laying in bed, being still, quieting my mind and reading the devotional I had put aside this week because I didn't "have time". It was exactly what my heart needed. It flipped a switch. I had an "aha" moment. My soul finally felt nourished in a real way.
I opened my Bible to a random page and read this verse in Ecclesiastes 4:6 - "Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind." Wow- exactly what I needed to hear. That was my problem- I've been "chasing the wind", striving for worldly achievement. Somehow my goals had shifted to focus on the kind of earthly success that's measured by the standard of humans.
How did I slip into this mindset so easily? By worldly standards this seems like this is the right way to live life, but desperately "chasing the wind" will always leave me exhausted and un-fulfilled. The world says we need to work hard and measure our lives by human "accomplishment"- a promotion, a raise, the 1st place trophy, the star next to your name- but what will these earthly things give us in the end? Nothing.
When we slow down and let quietness fill our hearts- when we take the time to do the work for our souls, that's where we'll find what we've been "chasing". That's where true contentment and peace and overwhelming JOY and eternal significance are found.
If you've been feeling confused because, although your life seems to be going perfectly fine, you don't feel that soul-stirring satisfaction, perhaps you need to reframe what you're working towards. Stop chasing the wind and human accomplishment and realize that everything we do/achieve here will eventually cease to matter. He is the source of that illusive, energy-giving spark that we work so hard to find.
So today (and every day) let's rest in the truth that we don't have to toil our lives away to find true contentment. By being still, quieting our minds, and surrendering our humanly ambition to The Lord we'll finally get that missing "thing" we've been searching for.
Wishing you a restful, re-charging weekend friend!